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Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 9:12 am
by JLP
Spare a thought for the shoplifters. There is sod all left for them to steal. :lol:

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:06 am
by Sole Survivor
The kind of questions any person needs to ask of a potential partner on Tinder has changed drastically since the Coronavirus outbreak; It used to be:

Is he stable?
Does he have a good job?
Is he good with children and animals?

Nowadays, its:

Does he have a gun?
Is he infection-free and/or immune?
Does he have post-apocalyptic warlord potential?

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 12:59 pm
by JLP
Ordered the missus a nurse's uniform online. It came today. I have it to her and asked her to put it on. She smiled and asked me if I was feeling randy. I said no, we need some bread. :lol:

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 6:01 pm
by Cool Cat
Prince Charles is self isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer 14.

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:08 am
by JLP
I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough.

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:17 am
by JLP
It has just been announced the UK Police have been granted powers to break up groups of three or more people. Here's hoping they start with Westlife.

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:12 pm
by Sole Survivor
Picard wrote: Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:08 am I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough.
:lol:
That reminds me of an old armed forces chestnut, in which a drill sergeants giving his squaddies 'the talk' prior to their first overseas posting, with regards to fraternising with the ladies there. "Now lads, remember that half the prozzies there have TB, and the other half have VD. So what do you do, lads?"

One of the squaddies pipes up: "Only fuck the ones that cough, sarge?"

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 4:01 pm
by Kes
Picard wrote: Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:17 am It has just been announced the UK Police have been granted powers to break up groups of three or more people. Here's hoping they start with Westlife.
Reminds me of the classic...

What do call a dog with four cocks?


Mariah Carey and Westlife.

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 9:17 pm
by Black Wings
Picard wrote: Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:08 am I used to cough to hide a fart. Now I fart to hide a cough.
:lol: :lol: tears :)

Re: Time For a Joke

Posted: Fri May 22, 2020 11:11 am
by JLP
How do you know how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.