Time for a joke

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Re: Time for a joke

Postby Simon » Sat Sep 26, 2015 10:13 am

Statistics about German people being satisfied with current German politics:

5% are satisfied when they read about current German domestic policy
15% are satisfied when they read about current German environmental policy
100% are satisfied when they read about the current political campaign in the U.S.
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby icy » Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:27 pm

:lol: :oops:
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~Godspeed little one~
~Don't talk about angels
Or how I'll be saved
I'm no coward
But I'm not that brave
Rags are blowing
Rain's getting near
I'm done with running
And it's getting dark in here~

~Sleep in peace old friend for me you'll never die~
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby JLP » Tue Oct 20, 2015 6:03 pm

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!.
Come on you Tigers.
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby icy » Wed Oct 21, 2015 7:01 am

:lol:
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~Godspeed little one~
~Don't talk about angels
Or how I'll be saved
I'm no coward
But I'm not that brave
Rags are blowing
Rain's getting near
I'm done with running
And it's getting dark in here~

~Sleep in peace old friend for me you'll never die~
 
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And the wounded skies above say it's much too late

      
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby The__KingOfRhye » Thu Oct 22, 2015 1:06 pm

A gem from facebook....:lol:

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Re: Time for a joke

Postby musicalprostitute » Thu Oct 22, 2015 3:07 pm

Edit.
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby musicalprostitute » Thu Oct 22, 2015 3:08 pm

icy wrote::lol:


:lol: Love it. I found myself hearing the rhythm and tone of the voices of Walken and Shatner; this is spot on!
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby icy » Thu Oct 22, 2015 10:37 pm

musicalprostitute wrote:
icy wrote::lol:


:lol: Love it. I found myself hearing the rhythm and tone of the voices of Walken and Shatner; this is spot on!

Same here :lol: :lol:
~Godspeed little one~
~Don't talk about angels
Or how I'll be saved
I'm no coward
But I'm not that brave
Rags are blowing
Rain's getting near
I'm done with running
And it's getting dark in here~

~Sleep in peace old friend for me you'll never die~
 
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And the wounded skies above say it's much too late

      
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby The__KingOfRhye » Fri Oct 23, 2015 1:00 am

Speaking of Christopher Walken ;)

phpBB [video]
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby icy » Fri Oct 23, 2015 1:10 am

The__KingOfRhye wrote:Speaking of Christopher Walken ;)

phpBB [video]

One way to get things done :lol: :lol:
~Godspeed little one~
~Don't talk about angels
Or how I'll be saved
I'm no coward
But I'm not that brave
Rags are blowing
Rain's getting near
I'm done with running
And it's getting dark in here~

~Sleep in peace old friend for me you'll never die~
 
icy
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And the wounded skies above say it's much too late

      
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby icy » Sun Oct 25, 2015 4:30 am

:whatthat:
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~Godspeed little one~
~Don't talk about angels
Or how I'll be saved
I'm no coward
But I'm not that brave
Rags are blowing
Rain's getting near
I'm done with running
And it's getting dark in here~

~Sleep in peace old friend for me you'll never die~
 
icy
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And the wounded skies above say it's much too late

      
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby The__KingOfRhye » Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:07 pm

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Re: Time for a joke

Postby Zeistlander » Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:18 pm

I don't see why people are getting so upset at David Cameron's plans to reform the UK housing benefit system. Personally I'm all in favour of evicting people who don't work for a living and expect the taxpayer to support them in homes that they would otherwise be unable to afford.

Starting with The Queen.
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby JLP » Mon Oct 26, 2015 8:13 pm

Fred and Mary got married.
But they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, ok, tell me what you think!!!"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Come on you Tigers.
 
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Re: Time for a joke

Postby Kes » Wed Oct 28, 2015 1:08 pm

An old favourite...

A burglar is in the middle of robbing a house.

He's startled when he hears a voice behind him say "I'm watching you, and Jesus is watching you!"

He turns around and sees a parrot on a perch. "Was that you?" He asks the parrot. "Yes" replies the bird. "I'm Archibald the parrot!" The burglar eases a little, "Fucking stupid name for a parrot, don't you think?"

The parrot sighs "Yeah, a bit. But probably not half as fucking stupid as Jesus the rottweiler!"
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