Conscious Decisions vs. Going With The Flow

(I couldn't really come up with a title, sorry about that...)

I've been thinking lately about the way my life has turned out, and just how much thought has gone into it.

There seems to have been very few occasions when I've actually wanted something, and the rest of the times I've just been drifting along... I never had any career plans and ended up in my profession because it was something that I had picked up from the family, I didn't know which company to work for and went for the first one I found online, I started studying languages because I ended up in a project abroad, I started playing the samba when I looked up where I could use my free culture vouchers...

It seems like the only things I have really wanted have been relationships with the opposite sex, and that's the one thing I haven't been able to work out.


Is it normal to do so many things "by chance", or have you actually planned to be where you are?

(I couldn't really come up with a title, sorry about that...)

I've been thinking lately about the way my life has turned out, and just how much thought has gone into it.

There seems to have been very few occasions when I've actually wanted something, and the rest of the times I've just been drifting along... I never had any career plans and ended up in my profession because it was something that I had picked up from the family, I didn't know which company to work for and went for the first one I found online, I started studying languages because I ended up in a project abroad, I started playing the samba when I looked up where I could use my free culture vouchers...

It seems like the only things I have really wanted have been relationships with the opposite sex, and that's the one thing I haven't been able to work out.


Is it normal to do so many things "by chance", or have you actually planned to be where you are?

I have never had a plan for life as such, but I always wanted certain things like the car, the house, the clothes, the holidays, the good job...it's all meaningless now that I have them though. Ask me to choose between my bike and my car and the reply would be instant...the bike please.

Life for me in my 20's and 30's was difficult, because I used to feel lonely, so I would go out, get drunk, meet someone, stay the night...and it seemed to be a bit of a cycle. Remove drink from the equation and meeting people didn't happen. Not that I drunk a lot, but I sure met a lot of people on the weekends.

Seems to me, you want a plan? What are you planning?

It can be quite difficult to strike the balance between long-term planning, and 'going with the flow', but I think it is important to try to strike a balance rather than to pick one or the other. If you try to micromanage and plan everything, you're setting yourself up for a very stressful existence that is likely to be filled with disappointment. If you make no plans at all, there is a danger of stagnating and not making any progress. I probably tend towards over-planning.

I heard one piece of advice which I think is reasonable: "Plan in decades. Think in years. Work in months. Live in days."

[WeeMann]

Professionally, most of my plans haven't worked out - when I was at college the plan was to train as a Technical Illustrator and follow my Dad into his business. Then I discovered women and alcohol (not necessarily in that order!) and dropped out to get an engineering apprenticeship, qualifying in Quality Assurance. As soon as I had a job in that I moved into sales, an area I never saw myself in (and, to be honest, didn't really enjoy). After being made redundant a couple of times I decided to take a complete change of direction and have now been self employed as a driving instructor for the last 10 years (the longest I've stayed in a job).

Whilst I can't see myself doing this until I retire, I have no idea what the next move will be, so I'm just going to sit tight (as long as my business is successful) and see where it takes me.

I think there are certain things you should plan, but leave yourself free to improvise, otherwise, as Elessar says, you'll just push yourself into a stressful situation.

[Kes]

Personally, I've never had a plan, just a rough framework constructed early on, that I've tried to remain within.

Apart from a couple of upsets, where life has gone a bit pear-shaped, I think I've managed to get back on course fairly quickly, to achieve that.

No-one really ever gets a clean run, unless they are VERY lucky.

So far I haven't been able to think in terms of "what I want from life", I can only think of what I don't want.

I know I don't want to be an Engineer for the rest of my life, and I turned down a promotion recently. (Unfortunately quitting my job and staying at home to think what I want isn't a viable solution...) A few years ago I got interested in reading and thought I wanted to be a Portuguese & Spanish Philologist, but after narrowly missing out in the entrance exam I haven't really thought about it again.

I suppose the only thing I can be certain of is that as long as I keep "drifting" from one thing to another without any conscious effort, it isn't what I really want to do with my life...

I'm in between, but I will say this( much to my regret in feeling this way ) I couldn't plan my life if I tried. If it were up to me, my life would be different ...and maybe much happier.
I live from day to day. Not really going with the flow, just more or less stuck.
Great thread. Hoping I don't end up ruining it.

I had a chance to reflect on this again recently, after I had been reading some Facebook updates.

A few months ago I went on a trip halfway across the world, and found myself spending practically all the time by myself, or standing in the background just observing what other people did.

And then last month a bunch of people I know (friends from Facebook) visited the same place. They were having fun with each other, meeting new people, and actively participating in things.

It made me realise that my whole life has been solitary and passive, and that's why I had been "going with the flow". It's just the kind of person I am.
In the past year I've tried to participate in things with people from my hobby group, and I've always felt like I was an outsider even if I was at at a bar in the middle of all these people. I guess I can't really change that feeling, because it's an integral part of my personality.

.

I really envy people who know what they want, and work to achieve their goals.

What does it feel like to have a goal?
Does it help you focus, or does it make you feel bad if you can't reach that goal?

[WeeMann]

from the first time i saw "a few good men" i knew i wanted to be a lawyer - it was the only thing i could envision myself doing.

i was...17 years old by then.

also, i wanted to have a degree in environmental law. I wanted to know how to defend nature juridically. well, i've got the degree, but so far i havent been able to put my knowledge to practise. I hope to become a greenpeace lawyer someday and travel the world while protecting nature. that's my ultimate goal.

You are Marshall Eriksen and I claim my prize.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_Eriksen