Emergency Update

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Emergency Update

Postby Elessar » Mon Mar 06, 2017 1:39 am

6 March 2017

QOL is in turmoil. The political landscape has seen old allegiances torn apart and new ones forged. The Bolsheviks are retreating after the recent rise of the Fartrumpage Party.

Amongst their early demands are a Hard Quexit, severing all ties with former Queen+ allies. Adam Lambert is believed to have fled to somewhere more accepting of him. Rumours are he is hiding in a secure compound in Pakistan, where he has taken on the pseudonym Bin Lambert.

Some moderate Fartrumpeters have called for a Soft Quexit, allowing the option of future collaborations with former allies, including Paul Rodgers, John Farnham, 5ive (pronounced Five) and the Muppets. When asked for a statement, Kermit the Frog said he wished to distance himself from the views of Nigel Farage, emphasising that any similarities between them are purely aesthetic and do not extend to politics. Miss Piggy was unavailable to comment, citing personal reasons, three days after being photographed leaving David Cameron's countryside retreat.

Some of the more extreme members of the so-called control-alt-delete-right are advocating erasing the Freddie Mercury legacy entirely, although they're quick to point out that this is not because he was gay and foreign, but rather because some gay foreigners might be terrorists. Prominent members of the Fartrumpage movement are adamant that this is not a reflection of the mainstream party line, and that he will be allowed to remain part of the band's history as long as he can demonstrate that he speaks English to postgraduate level. Suggested tests include reciting Beowulf to the tune of 'God Save The Queen', with a strict condition that Brian May and his guitar are not invited. How they will assess a man who has been dead for 25 years is unclear, but supporters say that there has been a referendum, the people have spoken, and the authorities now need to find a way to make it work, because that's democracy.

More when we get it...
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby action » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:24 am

.
Last edited by action on Sun May 07, 2017 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby fairydandy » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:45 am

A statement on the state of emergency has been issued from the QOL moderating team. Kes said that his latest Queen purchase was the ANATO album in sky blue vinyl, released only in Mongolia. This brings the total number of ANATO albums that I have to 341, said the moderator, who now lives in a shed because his house is full of Queen tat. WeeMann declined to comment and JLP said, 'is it because I'm black'?
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Elessar » Mon Mar 06, 2017 12:36 pm

fairydandy wrote:A statement on the state of emergency has been issued from the QOL moderating team. Kes said that his latest Queen purchase was the ANATO album in sky blue vinyl, released only in Mongolia. This brings the total number of ANATO albums that I have to 341, said the moderator, who now lives in a shed because his house is full of Queen tat. WeeMann declined to comment and JLP said, 'is it because I'm black'?


Sorry to be a grammar feminazi, but the correct phrase is "is it because I is black?"
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby fairydandy » Mon Mar 06, 2017 1:12 pm

Elessar wrote:
fairydandy wrote:A statement on the state of emergency has been issued from the QOL moderating team. Kes said that his latest Queen purchase was the ANATO album in sky blue vinyl, released only in Mongolia. This brings the total number of ANATO albums that I have to 341, said the moderator, who now lives in a shed because his house is full of Queen tat. WeeMann declined to comment and JLP said, 'is it because I'm black'?


Sorry to be a grammar feminazi, but the correct phrase is "is it because I is black?"


:P
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby JLP » Mon Mar 06, 2017 1:58 pm

Freddie was foreign and gay? Time to burn the collection cos the Buble and the Quorn an say so.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby action » Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:00 pm

.
Last edited by action on Sun May 07, 2017 6:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Elessar » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:17 pm

JLP wrote:Freddie was foreign and gay? Time to burn the collection cos the Buble and the Quorn an say so.


Buble and Quorn? I guess they're two of most Libtards' favourite things.
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Kes » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:22 pm

Sorry, no room in the shed. That's all full of bits of aeroplanes! :shock:

Oh, and the Mongolian sky blue vinyl is a complete myth. See the Steve Hoffman forums. They haven't got round to making records that work yet.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby action » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:42 pm

.
Last edited by action on Sun May 07, 2017 6:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Kes » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:46 pm

Good for you.

Unfortunately, due to the profession I'm in, I'm not allowed to use hallucinogenic substances that would enable me to think I've seen something that doesn't exist in the real world, so for now, I'll just have to be jealous and live with it. :-)
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Kes » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:00 pm

By the way, thanks for posting this thread. We had a private Facebook message from Donald Trump's people saying that this thread proves that we are not infested with the "fake news" that has taken over most of the media, so have been named a "trusted" site by the current administration. Hats off!
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Tarkus » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:08 pm

action wrote:Sensing the inevitable defeat, Dusty and Innuendoes went missing and nothing has been heard of them since.


You ain't taking me alive, copper!! :shoot: :cop:
 
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby Kes » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:11 pm

Probably more brass, than copper.
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Re: Emergency Update

Postby P.T » Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:45 am

Breaking News

Thread which reveals most QOL'ers are mad mysteriously disappears

A thread which revealed the dwindling mental health of QOL's remaining membership has been removed.

One witness said, "Well, it was there one minute and gone the next! I think someone is trying to cover something up. All he said was that most of QOL's membership is as bonkers as W.K. Mahler, or something."

Sources claim that after the post was made, two members rose to their own defence by claiming they were not mad at all and were made to feel completely unwelcome by the allegations. One of these has reportedly been a well-established inpatient at QOL for over a decade, while the accuser only an occasional visitor.

According to one anonymous source, QOL has been at the centre of a long-running social experiment for over twelve years.

"The majority of the membership actually hate each other and have been engaged in long periods of petty bickering dating back to the mid-2000s. Despite finding QOL a repeatedly unpleasant, negative experience, they continue to return on a daily basis. This behaviour is puzzling for their presence at QOL has always been completely voluntary and they can leave at any time."

"One can only describe this as a form of emotional sadomasochism brought on by a high level of psychosis."

When asked about the ethics of keeping such a place open, the source simply said, "Even if you opened all the doors up wide, the craziest people in the nuthouse will always be the last to leave."
 
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